She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize