doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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