This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
