I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize