You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
