I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
