RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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