it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
