you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
