Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's always time for handjobs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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