I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
