Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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