i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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