somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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