just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
