i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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