direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
