i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
