Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
