He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My pussy is not your playground.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
