I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
