Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
