Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
