She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
