I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
