Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
