first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
