I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
