it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
