I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
