Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
