It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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