whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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