Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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