I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize