weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
