i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
