To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
