She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want a musical about memes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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