evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sext me about skeletons
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
