mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
