at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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