my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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