Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
