She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize