WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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