I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize