peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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