She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize