you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
