i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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