He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
