I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize