We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
