just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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