i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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