Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
