Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
