i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
