pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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