Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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