It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
