My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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