As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am one with the molecules
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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