Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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