found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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